I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
