Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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