What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
