Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
