I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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