Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
