I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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