Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
