Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
