:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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