she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
