Moan for me like Helen Keller
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Houston, we have a blender
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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