Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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