Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
