i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
