The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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