my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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