So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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