The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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