Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We're too hungover to prance.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
