i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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