Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
