mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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