This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
