Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
