Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
