oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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