They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
