you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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