happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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