She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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