I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
