tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
