Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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