I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
