she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
