the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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