Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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