Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
