omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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