Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
