I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We are all done wearing pants today
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
