Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
