fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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