When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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