I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
