At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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