i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.