Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.

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(716): it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis. http://tfl.nu/lwww

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(718): View more from New York

i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.

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(718): i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined. http://tfl.nu/aopw

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(516): View more from New York

I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

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(516): I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!" http://tfl.nu/g6w4

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(604): View more from British Columbia

when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.

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(604): when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/pxku

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(863): View more from Florida

she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?

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(863): she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know? http://tfl.nu/bmzo

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(425): View more from Washington

They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"

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(425): They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!" http://tfl.nu/9fc7

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(515): View more from Iowa

In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.

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(515): In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much. http://tfl.nu/n8ik

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(609): View more from New Jersey

My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.

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(609): My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance. http://tfl.nu/4x77

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(314): View more from Missouri

Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.

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(314): Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly. http://tfl.nu/f0vi

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.

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(412): I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke. http://tfl.nu/tyrp

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(315): View more from New York

So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.

(315): View more from New York

They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.

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(315): So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers. (315): They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair. http://tfl.nu/om27

Replies (9) Good night (1467) Bad night (447)
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(815): View more from Illinois

My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy

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(815): My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy http://tfl.nu/f1hz

Replies (10) Good night (1435) Bad night (421)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!

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(601): This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK! http://tfl.nu/gkpr

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(716): View more from New York

So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.

(1-716): View more from New York

Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money

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(716): So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed. (1-716): Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money http://tfl.nu/8jhe

Replies (8) Good night (2603) Bad night (288)
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(407): View more from Florida

I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far

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(407): I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far http://tfl.nu/ylx6

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