I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
