She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear