Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!

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  (917): I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time! http://tfl.nu/fe3b
  Replies (18) Good night (3060) Bad night (670)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks

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  (717): i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks http://tfl.nu/zwks
  Replies (30) Good night (5345) Bad night (738)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.

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  (856): So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished. http://tfl.nu/vhfi
  Replies (4) Good night (3585) Bad night (910)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.

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  (978): Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined. http://tfl.nu/nnky
  Replies (4) Good night (3162) Bad night (1291)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards

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  (520): This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards http://tfl.nu/ehov
  Replies (9) Good night (3498) Bad night (711)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.

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  (203): She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call. http://tfl.nu/e0jl
  Replies (4) Good night (959) Bad night (3116)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.

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  (919): dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night. http://tfl.nu/52we
  Replies (4) Good night (1157) Bad night (2062)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

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  (941): Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass? http://tfl.nu/sdtw
  Replies (4) Good night (1824) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.

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  (630): Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms. http://tfl.nu/uuzs
  Replies (13) Good night (853) Bad night (2345)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.

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  (812): You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do. http://tfl.nu/dz7m
  Replies (17) Good night (897) Bad night (2473)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days

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  (781): My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days http://tfl.nu/zkdk
  Replies (13) Good night (665) Bad night (1274)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed

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  (734): I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed http://tfl.nu/ut1d
  Replies (3) Good night (1023) Bad night (548)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later

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  (587): You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later http://tfl.nu/y2r0
  Replies (6) Good night (1013) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.

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  (812): I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature. http://tfl.nu/jyq9
  Replies (0) Good night (616) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET

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  (203): YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET http://tfl.nu/hmex
  Replies (2) Good night (426) Bad night (331)

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