I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone