hotel room ftw
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm always down for nudity.
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