Dude i fell asleep inside of her
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?