You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
