the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
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All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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