Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
