So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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