I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
