No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
