Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
