Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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