What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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