Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
