I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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