why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
whose parrot is this?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
