I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
