Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
