I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
