"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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