The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
