If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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