its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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