"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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