Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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