i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
