I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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