We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
