Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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