Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
