I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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