words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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