I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
